11/21/2013

Wrecking ball

Funny how as soon as I start writing I see myself on a road, walking. The two seem so strongly linked. So, there I am, walking.

My house has stairways like there's no tomorrow. I think it helps my body that it does. Somehow in Paris, with the elevator, I wasn't getting my legs worked. Too lazy to climb the 5 flights. Actually, I did get sad over there.

It could have been fun had I been a cheater. But shit. The one thing I can treasure from all my tribulations is a big fat sack of self respect. There were many sweet occasions. When lil pearl asked if I was being hit on, it made me laugh out loud. Yea, I was. But it ain't me, babe. It ain't me to go off like that. I never once killed a golden bird that wasn't about to eat my heart out. That ain't me.

So now, as it reaches the end, or some kind of end, the fear and the angst are starting to leave my chest at last. I look at the wreckage and I know I'm not going to die with it. Not that I don't feel like noosing my neck off or just pulling some trigger. That I do. It's the fatigue, mainly. And I'm going to do what it takes to avoid going under. I already am looking at some ropes. What the hell.

Who doesn't.
Don't lie.
I need to devolve like I need a brick across the brains.

Vengeance?
There is no more vengeance then there is healing. We just get used to stuff. That's all.  

2 comments:

  1. If it's not fear, pain and apathy that kills the (free) will in humankind, it's plain denial. And when you think you lost it all, look in your heart there is more love, give it to yourself first, YOURSELF aka NOT-your-ego. From fear to love... life is a journey of healing. Hugs and Kisses and Peace for your heart.
    https://soundcloud.com/atlanticrecords/christina-perri-human

    ReplyDelete
  2. C'est koi kelle dit? ''I'm only HUMID?'' imagine kan elle est trempe!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAH. scuse mon isprit de bottine. big bises bis :-) Tussais moi j'adore oussi les choses rigolos, comme les choses dégueues, c'est drôle du vomi de chat. Vraiment, it picks me up don't pick it up, c'est *vraiment* ça l'Art Contemporain. :-D Fou raide. Ça aussi ça a son charme, un sociopathe avec une bonne érection. A stain to society, he can do damage. Tant que ça tue pas l'amour, ça encourage la vie. Peace Respect and Kitty Vomi. XXX

    ReplyDelete