11/21/2013

Wrecking ball

Funny how as soon as I start writing I see myself on a road, walking. The two seem so strongly linked. So, there I am, walking.

My house has stairways like there's no tomorrow. I think it helps my body that it does. Somehow in Paris, with the elevator, I wasn't getting my legs worked. Too lazy to climb the 5 flights. Actually, I did get sad over there.

It could have been fun had I been a cheater. But shit. The one thing I can treasure from all my tribulations is a big fat sack of self respect. There were many sweet occasions. When lil pearl asked if I was being hit on, it made me laugh out loud. Yea, I was. But it ain't me, babe. It ain't me to go off like that. I never once killed a golden bird that wasn't about to eat my heart out. That ain't me.

So now, as it reaches the end, or some kind of end, the fear and the angst are starting to leave my chest at last. I look at the wreckage and I know I'm not going to die with it. Not that I don't feel like noosing my neck off or just pulling some trigger. That I do. It's the fatigue, mainly. And I'm going to do what it takes to avoid going under. I already am looking at some ropes. What the hell.

Who doesn't.
Don't lie.
I need to devolve like I need a brick across the brains.

Vengeance?
There is no more vengeance then there is healing. We just get used to stuff. That's all.  

11/13/2013

Love you still

Freeway. Ô freeway.
Can't stand still. I managed to get imprisoned by your side, in your old cell. Wanted me to jailbreak you, didn'tcha?
We're not free. You never had yours. I gave up mine.
Are we blind?
We're not happy.
Gotta run off. But can you?

Freeway.
I can escape from anywhere. Wanna go? Wanna, now? Baby?
They torture you, in here. You're suffering I can tell.
They gnaw at your body and rot your soul.
Already, you barely know I'm here.
When did you last lay your forehead on my shoulder?
There won't be a we if we stay. Here. Like this.

I love you still but we must break out.
See the sun as it shines and shines on.
And.
I love you still.